Lesbian Sex Positions: Guide To Satisfaction – And Great Orgasms

Alexandra Fine, Credentialed Sexologist, M. Psych | Written by Dame

Our largely-heteronormative society regularly promotes the idea that male things are supposed to fit into female things.

Computer, audio and video equipment. Power cables. Electrical and plumbing connections. The “male” plug or connector is always inserted (or screwed) firmly into the “female.”

The terminology is certainly an easy way to explain how a mouse connects to a desktop computer, or how a hose connects to a faucet. But it also symbolizes what’s considered “normal” in everyday life.

After all, “males fitting into females” is also one of the foundations of sex education in schools, churches and even most families. A relative few have recently begun including mentions or discussions of gender identities and expressions in their sex education curriculum, but the baseline almost always remains “how men and women have sex and create babies.”

All of this can certainly be confusing, if not distressing, for those with vulvas. It’s likely that they’ve never heard anyone explain – in any context – how “females and females fit together” (unless it’s with the help of an electrical or plumbing adapter).

So when two vulva-havers are ready to become intimate for the first time, they’re basically on their own.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing. The best sex is usually a product of what comes naturally and what feels good.

But trial-and-error isn’t the optimal approach to any situation. Knowledge is power. More specifically when it comes to lesbian sex, knowledge is satisfaction.

There’s no need to re-invent the wheel when climbing into bed. Same-gendered vulva-havers have already discovered the lesbian sex positions which can provide the most enjoyment, the most sexual satisfaction – and the best orgasms.

We’ll check out the positions worth trying, after a few words about bodies.

Genders, Bodies, Similarities and Differences

The bodies of vulva- and penis-havers are more similar than different; generally speaking, their brains, their hormones and most of their bodily functions are nearly identical.

Naturally, there are differences between individuals. And it’s true that, for example, the genders’ average brain sizes and hormone levels aren’t exactly the same.

However, the vast majority of their body’s systems work in exactly the same way. Even their genitalia develop from the exact same embryonic tissue, with only the presence of a Y chromosome determining whether a penis and “male reproductive system” are formed instead of a vagina and “female reproductive system.”

These similarities have two important implications for our discussion of the best lesbian sex positions.

First, the erogenous zones on vulva- and penis-havers may not be exact mirror images of each other, but they’re very closely correlated. Studies show that genders respond somewhat differently to stimulation of the “same” erogenous zones – but the body’s pleasure centers are generally the same, no matter which sex organs a person may have.

Second, sexual desire and satisfaction isn’t specifically linked to a person’s genital anatomy. To the contrary, research shows that the desire and satisfaction of vulva-havers in same-gender relationships are primarily linked to the same variables (for example: age, mindset, relationship quality) that predict satisfaction in differently-gendered couples.

Here’s the bottom line: even though the action is more often aimed at satisfying one partner rather than both, “lesbian sex positions” aren’t really different than “sex positions” in which one partner or the other is defying gravity. For the most part, they’re simply distinguished by their mechanics and techniques.

So it’s time to talk mechanics and techniques.

(One quick aside: Cosmopolitan once published an article detailing “28 mind-blowing lesbian sex positions,” which attracted a lot of media attention. With apologies to Cosmo, many of the “28” were simply slight variations on other positions, while others were far from realistic or just plain dumb. We’re going to stick with sex positions you can actually use in your own sex life.)

Scissoring

Scissoring may be the first position that comes to mind, especially for straight penis-havers who spend lots of time on PornHub watching lesbian sex videos, or fans of South Park who remember Mrs. Garrison’s first sexual forays as a transsexual.

In reality, though, scissoring is one of the most popular lesbian sex positions. It can be extremely sensual and intimate, while also providing both partners with direct clitoral stimulation.

The goal is for two vagina-havers to intertwine their legs, so each can rub their vulva against the other’s. Unfortunately, it can take a lot of effort to figure out how to make the position work. The partners’ height, body shape and flexibility all determine how (or whether) they can best fit together for an enjoyable pairing – and that can require a lot of trial and error. Maintaining a satisfactory scissoring position may require upper-body strength and a good deal of energy, too.

We don’t mean to scare you off. The excitement and sensations generated when two clitorises glide back-and-forth across each other are incomparable. The experience is even more electric with an ample amount of lube – and perhaps a bullet vibrator tucked between the two partners. With or without the toy, scissoring is an amazingly sensuous experience.

When you’re ready to give it a go, start with one person lying on their back, legs spread wide. Their partner faces them partner and approaches from the side, so the couple can interlock their legs with their vulvas making contact. The second partner can then maneuver their body for better contact, by using a hand or elbow to prop themselves up. Just be patient! It may take a while to find satisfactory positioning – but it’s worth it.

Missionary

Don’t assume that the missionary position is only for penetration. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be. There are several permutations of this classic position, all of which can provide tremendous satisfaction.

Let’s start out simple. Two partners with vulvas, lying face-to-face with one on top, are perfectly situated for kissing, grinding or humping while their hands are free for mutual exploration of all of their respective erogenous zones (or their own, for that matter). The closeness provided when the partners’ faces, breasts and vulvas are all touching or rubbing each other is difficult to match, while fingering or vibrator use can certainly add excitement.

Missionary sex can also be enjoyed in a side-by-side position; the closeness is the same, but both partners are better able to use their fingers (or toys) for all types of mutual masturbation and genital play.

The intimacy and pleasure of missionary sex can be taken to the next level when penetration is added into the mix. This requires one partner to wear a harness and strap-on dildo, which may not be everyone’s cup of tea. However, many vulva-havers in same-gender relationships find that the sensations of penetration – both physical and mental – provide an extra dose of closeness in addition to the sexual pleasure that comes with penetration. It’s ideal for those into a relationship’s power dynamics, too.

It’s true that penetrative sex generally satisfies one participant more than the other. That’s easy to rectify, by using a harness that’s roomy enough (or contains a pouch) for a bullet vibrator. And if the receiver finds that the penetration isn’t quite doing the job, a wedge pillow placed under their hips will usually let their partner’s dildo hit the g-spot just right.

Doggy Style

Don’t put it away all of those sex toys just yet. They’re perfect for use during lesbian sex, in one of the positions that’s favored by opposite-gendered partners, but just as hot for those of the same gender.

Doggy-style, of course, delivers its greatest satisfaction to the partner who’s on all fours, since the thrusts of the dildo or vibrator penetrate deeply – and if it suits both participants, fast and hard. The partner who’s kneeling or standing, though, can once again insert a bullet vibe into their strap-on harness (or even insert a butt plug before starting) to make sure they share in the satisfaction.

The action during doggy sex isn’t limited to penetration, since the bottom partner (and depending on angles and anatomy, the top one as well) will have manual access to the receiver’s clitoris and vulva as well. And as you probably know from experience, a large majority of those with vulvas report that they need or prefer both clitoral and vaginal stimulation to reach climax.

Of course, you don’t have to use a strap-on when both partners are in the doggy position. Reach-around stimulation with fingers or a vibrator can be just as hot.

The one drawback to doggy style sex: you don’t get to watch your partner’s face during the action.

(One more suggestion while you have the harness and strap-on in hand: cowgirl or reverse cowgirl sex, with the penetrator riding their prone partner. Finding the right angle can take a little time, but as long as you approach your sexual experimentation with a sense of humor, it can be a lot of fun even before you reach the payoff.)

Spooning

Most of all the lesbian sex positions we’ve discussed provide a high level of intimacy. The ultimate, however, may be spooning. Sex therapists and women’s health educators recommend this form of cuddling before or after sex (or with no sex involved at all), because it’s been shown to induce production of the “love hormone” oxytocin, while lowering levels of the “stress hormone” cortisol.

Just about everyone, straight or LGBTQ, knows how to spoon – even if they’ve never thought about it in sexual terms. The two partners are on their sides, facing in the same direction, with the “big spoon” (the one behind the other) cuddling the “little spoon” closely.

You probably don’t need extensive sex tips to figure out ways to turn this comforting position into a sexual one; just use your imagination. The “big spoon” can reach around the partner’s waist to stimulate the clitoris and vulva, reach higher to play with the breasts, massage the shoulders or nibble the neck; the “little spoon” won’t have as great a range of motion, but can excite their partner with their hands or by grinding against them. The possibilities are endless, including the addition of toys or a strap-on into play.

Oral Sex

The greatest variety of lesbian sex positions revolves around most couples’ go-to activity: oral sex.

  • Face-sitting (and reverse face-sitting): Some people are scared of this activity, fearing that they might smother their partner – or be smothered. In reality, the person on top doesn’t actually put their full weight on the other’s face. They straddle their partner while holding their body above them, using their hands, knees or legs for support. They then slowly lower their vulva into oral sex range.

    The term face-sitting (also called the “rocket” position) is usually used when the top partner is facing forward and able to make eye contact. Reverse face-sitting refers to facing away from the partner, which eliminates eye contact but opens an entire new world of possibilities for manual (or vibrator) stimulation of the lower partner’s genitals. These positions work extremely well for rimming, too.

  • 69: This classic never gets old, although differently-sized or shaped partners may not always find it easy to “fit properly” for simultaneous oral sex. One solution is known as either the “68” or the “tilted 69,” and performed side-by-side instead with one person on top of the other. This variation creates more space for maneuvering, allows partners to lift or move their legs to create better access, and lets them use their hands to best advantage.

  • Sitting: One person is sitting, and their partner gets on their knees to “service” them? Most people immediately think of blow jobs. But there’s absolutely no reason why vulva-havers can’t enjoy the same benefits. This is one of the most comfortable oral sex positions for those who take a while to reach climax, because the giver only has to get settled (hopefully on a plush rug) without any need to contort their body, and the receiver is, well, sitting in a chair or on the couch.

Why Try New Positions?

Obviously, finding new sex positions can spice up any relationship, particularly in lockdown during a COVID pandemic.

There’s another justification for trying new positions, though: “lesbian bed death syndrome.” It claims that vulva-havers in a same-gender, long-term relationship often get bored and have less and less sex, until they end up in a platonic relationship.

The theory is a complete myth of course; the same phenomenon can be observed in an equal number of opposite-gender relationships. But avoiding this scary-sounding relationship-ender is certainly a great excuse to give some new sex positions a try!