Though we’re not always talking — talking comprehensibly, I mean — during sex, it’s a constant dialogue. Letting your partners know what works and what doesn’t is the cornerstone of an awesome sex life.
But introducing new ideas and new objects in the bedroom can cause some anxiety. Our sexualities are a source of much vulnerability for many of us, even when something as simple as a toy enters the mix. Partners may wonder:
“Is it the sex we’ve been having boring?”
“Are we going to use this thing 100% of the time?”
“You wouldn’t want this if I were good enough in bed…”
These are valid concerns! But around the office, we like to compare sex toys to ice cream sprinkles. You can add as many or as little as you want. You can have some today, and none tomorrow if you like. And the humble sprinkle can’t truly replace the noble ice cream — it just adds to what you already have. Ultimately, it’s a fun option, not a new way of life.
With this openness in mind, it might help to keep your first playtime somewhat improvisational. Make sex with your new doodad a collaborative experience and invite your partner to help you explore the best ways to use it. This will keep expectations low, and the fun factor high.
Versatile, non-phallic toys like Fin and Pom are friendly-looking and quick to pick up or put away, making them great options for partners looking to choose their own adventure. For those looking to add to what they already have, Eva II is a couple's vibrator designed to add vibration to penetrative sex, while Pillo is exactly that: a pillow designed to give you better angles, no batteries required.
Ultimately, it’s our duty to our partners to respect their boundaries. If yours gives you a hard “No,” at least ask for feedback as to why. Hopefully the experience will make you both more comfortable sharing new ideas in the future. You may even find that they come around on their own once they feel like they’re not put on the spot.