I remember my first real sex toy. It was a pink pocket rocket given to me as a gag gift by a friend. I laughed and claimed I’d never use it; spouting it was a waste of money and rolled my eyes at its intense coloring. But, internally, I was enamoured. The tiny vibrator made eyes at me — and I knew it would roll out the shag carpet for a personal sexual awakening. Later, I switched it on and navigated it across my body towards my very very ready clit; a young twenties version of myself laid there in major anticipation for the big event. But before I even got to the bull’s eyes, I felt my shoulder move towards my pelvis so that my arm and hand could inch closer to my genitals. This was uncomfortable. My belly was getting in the way of me having a straight shot at a more intense orgasm. I dealt with it and ended up climaxing against the most Barbie of sex toys ever created.
Things are different now. If you ask me, masturbation should be considered a sport. One that people can casually participate in or enjoy as enthusiasts. The Lebron of Masturbation — always looking for new ways to make solo time or toy-use with a partner super hot and unencumbered. Because of this, my chest of sex toys (you read that correctly) is extremely unique to me. Nipple clamps, paddles, lube, dildos, massagers, butt plugs. All incredibly common pieces but each has been collected and curated to match my plus-size body for the most optimal of orgasms.
This seems like a non-issue. Why would sex toys ever needed to fit a plus-size body . . . they're just toys. As someone who has come (read: cum) across many sex toys as an educator and writer, sex toys are simply not one size fits all.
Plus-size bodies have more mass to navigate, more flesh to go past, more parts to grab; and with that needs to come flexibility and understanding that your purchases should work with your body —not against it. There is no easy way to hold a palm-sized vibrator up against your clit when you have to arch it around your belly. It’s extremely difficult to place a pocket rocket on that nub when you and your partner are rocking back and forth. And when half of your dildo is being used as a handle, there’s little wiggle room for it to be used as anything else.
So, here: my ode to plus-size masturbation and sex. May your toys be charged and your plugs be lubed.
First. There is the Belly. A round, glorious center that can squish and mend to the touch. It’s lovely to grab and even sexier to play with. This tends to get in my way the most as I can’t merely reach down and hit all the places I want. I have found that sex toys with a handle or extra length tend to perform better than ones that encapsulate the circumference of your hand. Your arm can only go its length. And if you’re arching your arm around your cute belly, you’re removing some of the length from that experience — leaving you straining to get the vibrator to even touch your clit.
Look for external sex toys with a handle for easy navigation or ones that stay in place up against the clit for hands-free orgasming (hint hint: Eva II works very nicely for this!). It will allow for better access and less exertion on your body. This goes for playing with a partner as well. Work with what you have instead of against it. If you have a big belly (hot hot hot), try getting on top and propping the toy between you and your partner. Bend over a sex ramp or pillow for a stronger arch so that you have access to reach between your legs. Place a few pillow under your ass so that your genitalia is positioned upwards and your belly is moving down.
Next, the Ass. Slap it. Lick it. Fuck it. Do all the things to it. If you have a big ass, I will want to set up a vacation home on the highest point for easy visitation. But think about this: Having a thick ass is super hot, but it also makes it difficult to use shorter toys — there is inner thigh and cheeks to get passed before the piece even hits all of your parts.
Use internal toys that are longer. Sure, you’ll be adding a 9 inch dildo to your toys box but that one piece will allow you to play with depth and shallowness on any body without having to purchase multiple pieces. And when using anal toys, make sure the base and stem are sturdy. If you’ve got some thick cheeks (praise be to you), it’s difficult to keep track of more filmsy silicone buttplugs when you can’t readily see them.
If you have a partner that loves big asses as much as I do, make sure you give them a show by arching your back and tucking your body inward in a bent-over position — it allows for more access to your bits. Use the furniture around you (bed, desk, couch, kitchen) to really bolster your body so that your ass is the star of the show. Or just sit on their face — right?
Then, the Thighs. Who isn’t in love with big thighs? They are the strongest of the bunch and are the body part you can maneuver the most when using toys.
Outside of using sex toys with long stems and better handles, the thighs sometimes prevent the use of using products that are multifunctional (i.e. a Rabbit). While you’re already making effort for the product to hit all the right places, the mechanical functions of multi-use toys can press into the inner thighs and leave your session to be one with some discomfort.
If you’re working with thick thighs, try using 2 or more toys at the same time. Use an Eva II on your clit while a silicone dildo stays internal — held in place by your thighs. Use them to your advantage with partners: Lay on your side with the top leg held high for better leverage and a place for your partner to hold (an open space for a vibrator to rest or be positioned), bend over and press your thighs together; holding the vibrator in place, rest your thighs on either side of your boo’s head and allow for a metal butt plug to rock inside of you with the motion of your partner. (Is it time to masturbate now?)
For a long time I thought my body needed to be fixed in order to be happy in bed. My belly would squish and fold into itself when I was with lovers, and adding in sex toys that didn't meet the requirements of my body made everything a little bit more of a strain. But this is just not how bodies work — everyone has body things that need a workaround. Nothing needs fixing.
Work with what you have, use what you need and get off the way you want with the people you want, babes.-
Laura Delarato is a writer, body-positive activist, sex educator, and the creator of 1-800-HEYLAURA, a newsletter dedicated to great sex and loving yourself.