How To Orgasm With A Vibrator

Alexandra Fine, Credentialed Sexologist, M. Psych | Written by Dame

Sure, there are people who’ve never used a vibrator, and people who have never climaxed with the help of a vibe. Those first-timers may have found this article while looking for step-by-step instructions.

But to everyone else (and that’s a lot of people – surveys regularly show that more than 50% of vulva-havers and 15% of penis owners use vibes regularly), this article may seem unnecessary or even silly. Turning the toy on isn’t hard, you know where it’s supposed to go – what else is there to learn?

If that’s what you’re thinking, imagine a slightly different title:

  • How To Have The Best Orgasm Of Your Life With A Vibrator
  • How To Have Multiple Orgasms With A Vibrator
  • Getting Bored? How To Make Orgasms With A Vibrator Fun Again

Ah, now we have your attention.

Even if you’ve owned vibrators for years, you may not know everything there is to know about using them, and they may be able to provide more pleasure than you’d ever realized.

Are we all on the same page?

Great. Let’s talk vibrators and orgasms.

Vibrators 101: You Need The Right Vibe

If you plan to use a butter knife to cut down a giant oak tree, you’d better pack lunch…and dinner…and breakfast…for at least a few days. It’s simply the wrong tool for the job.

Many vulva owners run into much the same problem when they’re trying to orgasm with the wrong vibe – because “vibrator” is a catch-all term which describes a number of different categories of sex toys. A fabulous external vibrator may be perfect for stimulating the genitals, but it’s simply the wrong toy for those who can’t climax without G-spot stimulation. And a vibe designed for vaginal penetration will probably be painful rather than exciting when forced into the anus.

You’re not going to have the best possible orgasms, or multiple orgasms, unless you’re using the right vibrator. And finding the right vibrator requires you to first take a very personal inventory. For example:

  1. What type(s) of solo sex or partner play are likely to push you over the edge?

    Studies regularly show that more than a third of vulva-havers can only climax with clitoral stimulation, while fewer than 20% can finish with penetrative sex alone. Another third require or prefer both at the same time. Knowing which is most likely to culminate in the Big O – or whether you’re partial to a different type of sex play like anal penetration – is the most important step in matching your vibrator to your body.

    That means, for example, using a G-spot vibrator for mind-blowing vaginal orgasms, perhaps choosing a bullet vibrator for vaginal ones, or using a rabbit vibrator to stimulate both areas simultaneously for a shuddering climax. More a fan of oral sex? There are toys that can simulate it and bring you to orgasm, whether you have a vulva or a penis.

  2. How sensitive are your genitals?

    Clitoral vibrators like the legendary Hitachi magic wand vibrators, which have to be plugged into the wall to draw enough juice (and were originally sold as back massagers), pack a real punch. If you flinch when a partner tries to stimulate you with vigorous clitoral contact, or if you have to be delicate when using your own hands while masturbating, a gentler toy like a finger vibe could be a better choice. (The latter is also better for pinpoint contact, or for play along the labia and clitoral hood.)

  3. What other erogenous zones do you like to have stimulated?

    Vibes aren’t just for use during genital play. The right toys can generate sensations through contact with the nipples, neck, inner thigh or many other erogenous zones. That can (and should) be an enormous turn-on during foreplay or while getting yourself ready for self-pleasure, and vibes primarily designed for those with vulvas can be just as stimulating when used by those with penises. Let’s not forget about different types of vibrators like anal vibes or vibrating cock rings, either.

  4. Do you want the vibrator for partner play?

    There are a number of terrific options that provide enjoyment for two. From vibrators that stimulate two peoples’ genitals at the same time, to remote control or app-controlled toys which give one partner the ability to be in charge of the other’s sexual pleasure, there’s a toy for every sexual desire or appetite.

That’s a lot of options. If you’re still not sure which vibrator is tailor-made for you, spend a few minutes checking out the amazing assortment of toys at companies like Dame Products We-Vibe – and focus on the vibes that give you shivers just by looking at them. You’ll be on the right track.

Arousal First, Orgasm Second

It’s easy to develop habits in bed (or wherever you like to play). In fact, married couples or long-time partners will often describe sexual boredom as one of biggest hazards in a relationship.

The same danger exists when it comes to masturbation and vibrator use. If you’re in search of the perfect orgasm, you may never find it if you always use the same toy to stimulate the same erogenous zones with the same routine.

The best way to break out of that trap is to forget about climaxing – at least, to start with. Instead, first think about arousal. Studies document exactly what you would expect: “the sensations of arousal are both pleasurable in and of themselves, and also allow for more effective sexual stimulation.”

“Pleasurable” and “more effective sexual stimulation” both sound good to us, and hopefully to you. We admit that we’re not huge fans of Cosmo-style “sex tips.” But here’s a brief list of strategies you can try, either by yourself or with a partner, to help you increase arousal – and then achieve the orgasms of your dreams.

Do a Little Research

No, not the boring type. This research involves learning how your vibrator works, and understanding its different intensities and the ways it vibrates. Trying how to figure out how to change a toy’s speeds or vibration patterns once your own motor is revving can slam the brakes on a pleasure-fest very quickly. Have lube and tissues ready in advance, too.

Set the Mood

Candles, your favorite playlist and rose petals don’t have to be reserved for a “big night.” Do whatever makes you feel sexy and ready to play, whether it’s watching porn, reading erotica or just letting your fantasies run wild. Give yourself plenty of time to play, too; masturbating on a tight schedule is a prescription for disappointment.

Explore

Skip the genitals for a while, while you get comfortable with your vibrator and the exciting sensations it can provide when used on other erogenous zones. The nipples and areolas, the arms, the neck, the inner thighs – well, we don’t have tell you where you’re most sensitive. Be more adventurous than usual, but be sure to keep the vibe’s settings low until you’re sure you won’t spoil your mood instead of heightening it.

OK, Now the Genitals

Once you’ve (hopefully) discovered new levels of arousal you should be ready to move to the genital area, but not necessarily for your “usual” routine. Vulva owners may want to try stimulating the lips or clitoral hood instead of only the glans clitoris (what most people call the clitoris), and penis owners may want to pay more attention to the frenulum or scrotum instead of just the shaft and head. A toy with lots of speeds and patterns can provide excitement you’ve never felt before. Search for new sensations instead of settling for the same old ones; they may lead to orgasms that feel very different, and even more powerful.

Discover

You may discover things about your sexual organs that you never knew, and they can help you reach new levels of excitement. For example, you may be more sensitive to stimulation on one side of your genitals than the other. You may get more excited by using a vibe around the edges of the clitoris than directly on it. Or you may find that you’re better able to reach climax in different positions than usual, like on your side or doggy-style instead of missionary. (Switching positions is a great way to vary penetrative sex; it can be just as good when going solo or playing with a partner.)

A Little Help Can Help

We’re not just talking about playing with a partner, although using a vibrator with someone else can lead to twice the fun. We’re also referring to things you can do with your own body to enhance stimulation and orgasms. Using a vibe doesn’t rule out also using your fingers to play with other parts of your genitals or additional erogenous zones at the same time. Your muscles can help as well; many vulva owners find that doing pelvic squeezes when they’re on the verge of climaxing takes their orgasms to new levels. And if you feel that the vibrator is becoming just “too much” when you’re getting close, try putting your fingers or a blanket between the vibe and your vulva or penis.

Take Your Time

There’s a reason why some people include “tease and denial” in their sex play: the longer you wait before letting yourself orgasm, the more intense the experience can be. Arousal, exploration and discovery don’t just help you discover the optimal mood, location and vibrator settings for your climax – they can transform it from satisfying to earth-shattering.

Other Helpful Considerations

You’ll never reach orgasm with a vibrator if it runs out of power before you’re done, so choose a vibrator that will last as long as you do. Many USB-rechargeable vibes will run for about an hour before they need a charge. Battery-powered models may run longer but might not be as powerful, and plug-in vibrators will never run out of juice, but will tether you to a wall.

Dildos are waterproof, but many vibrators aren’t. If your favorite play area is the tub, shower, jacuzzi or pool, be sure that you can take your toy in with you.

Lube is your friend. If you’re using a penetrative vibrator, or if you’re going to be spending a while exploring your genitals (or those of a partner), a good water-based lube can prevent a pleasure session from becoming a painful one – which would probably prevent that incredible orgasm you’ve been anticipating.

Finally, picture this scenario: you’ve gotten all comfy, tingly and excited, you reach into the nightstand for your trusty vibrator – and it’s caked with leftover gunk from your last playtime. “Ick” is not the mood you’re looking for when you want to get off, so the moral of the story is simple: always remember to give your toy a good cleaning with soap and water before the next time. That will help guarantee there will be a satisfactory “next time.”

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