The Horizontal

Your September Sexoscopes


By Resident Sextrologist, Francesca Piazza

Sweet, sweet September is here and this month is a huge hug after what was a doozy of a summer full of retrogrades, eclipses, and cruel aspects. A fun, playful attitude is easy to maintain these days, even at work. The Virgo sun, Mars going direct, and Venus entering Scorpio create a strange sexual energy. We are modest, organized, and very scheduled — yet so horny. As we harvest orgasms at unexpected places and times, a lighthearted vibe overrides the guilt or overthinking that could normally prevent this fun. Friendship and romance also dance on a fine line as those who were once just chumming start to reveal hidden attractions. However, secrets have no place during this season. The kinky Aries full moon the last days of the month gets everyone in heat and cutting out early to spend more time doing physical activities. It will be very hard to sleep, but easy to stay awake the next day. The color red is important to incorporate during this time, and has long been believed to activate the root chakra. Root chakra = libido super charger. If September were an animal it would be a bunny — sweet, adorable, friendly, and always looking to get off. Embrace this energy. 

Aries (March 21-April 19)

As we left off last month, with Mars finally pushing forward. Your libido is back and you are finally feeling yourself again. As you ride — fast as usual — through the romantic and sexy energies of fall starting and summer ending, take note of what you really like sexually. With all attempts to orgasm being so good this month, it is important to learn right now from experience. Whether it's food, travel, or sex you are usually going too fast to notice what you enjoyed. Pause here and there, and you could really get to a whole new level of self knowledge right now. The last couple of days of September are shining a light on YOU with a full moon in Aries. You will be buzzing with energy and ideas, and you'll be very popular. Go until you can’t go anymore, you can sleep in October…


Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You are connecting deeply to the energies of fellow earth sign Virgo the first couple weeks of September. Cleansing, purifying, and resetting the mind and soul are easier for you to focus on than the body though. This ties into your sexoscope, as these weeks can act as a rebuilding period for your sexual needs. Have you allowed yourself to put your needs and wants by the wayside? If so, regardless of work or a partner getting in the way, realize that the real enemy is TIME. Earth signs love schedules, and for most of your life you maybe kinda sorta like this for pleasure, too. The planets are pointing to you just needing more time — more time to masturbate, more time to have sex, and more time to feel sexy. By the end of the month you're back on schedule, and purified from a summer of running on empty. Vibe on. 


Gemini (May 21-June 20)

With so many planets of purity and change in your 4th house of home and domestic needs, you are ready to transform your space. Clear out old stuff, clean the nooks and crannies, and bring in more sexy touches for decor. The new moon on the 9th only charges up this motivation to clean up. But as the moon lights up and grows fuller, so does your desire. Confidence and peace of mind in your home space now enables your ability to relax. Between being horny and having a sexy place to do stuff, September promises very orgasmic. Use the full moon to manifest, as your ability to connect mind and heart will be strong. Write down goals and wishes, and make up a little ritual sending your intentions into the universe. 


Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Finally, the moon is done eclipsing and the inner planets are done retrograding. You are most likely to have had an emotional and draining summer. However, the fall is very promising and you can feel the weight lift quite a bit these first days of September. Important connections and new opportunities will happen in very random social situations, but be sure to savor these romantic harvest days. Put time in for dates and romantic adventures after the new moon on the 9th, and find that work/love life balance again. Even if you want to focus on work, home, or travel more, plan some time for romance. Once the sun shifts and the moon gets fuller during the last week you are going to be craving your partner's attention again. Make sure you aren't in the dog house during this kinky moon! 


Leo (July 23-August 22)

You are bubbling with energy and love these first weeks of September. Things feel fresh and new, and they are! The air isn’t heavy anymore thanks to the retrogrades. This energy radiates causing you to be oh so’re comfortable with that, right? Joking! You love compliments and affection, and have no issue dishing it back out. Mid-month, your focus shifts to work, and spreading the love there. Other people's tensions and concerns easily become an issue you get consumed by. Know when to help, and when to detach. The Aries full moon starts up a fire you may not have been expecting. But hey, more fun for both you and your partner! Get wild, let loose, and set an alarm so you aren’t late if it’s a work day for you. 


Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Happy birthday, you fresh little baby! This month favors you in many ways, as planets in your 1st house give your energy just the break it has been needing. It's a breath of fresh air, and tensions and old concerns will melt away easily. Cleanse your muscles from tension through massage, or maybe exchange massages with someone cute and see where it goes. As your overall energy starts to shift back to being 100% you, motivation and passion finally comes on strong. The end of the month has your libido back in action along with more physical energy. Incorporate more of your senses into pleasure, such as aromatherapy, and look into scents that set the mood for you. Feeling, smelling, hearing, and even tasting more brings your focus back to your body, which will turn you on. It's worth the experiment during the Aries full moon on the 30th. Know thyself, and know thy aphrodisiacs. 


Libra (September 23-October 22)

This month feels like a dream to you, with your mind half here and half over there. As your energy slowly shifts back down to earth, let your brain take it’s sweet time and wander. Daydreams inspire erotic fantasies that can play out in real life. September gifts you with with the ability of extreme sexual imagination, all the way through the end of the month. Share as much as you dare, or just keep these mental movies in the spank bank. Thanks to movements in your 12th house and Venus in dark Scorpio, your level Libra head is going to all those fun hidden places. The full moon gets rid of that foggy, lazy, vibe you may have been feeling physically, and you're ready to elaborately act out some of your new kinky escapades. Although letting yourself put so much thought into your sexual desires isn’t something you normally would do, it maybe should be? Just thoughts, thoughts for reflecting come October. 


Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

You are super motivated, but also super chill this month, Scorpio, which for you usually ends up meaning you're very horny. Get out your physical energy in any way, as much as possible. It is self care, and for you, this purification season is all about getting off. Shed the layers of emotional crap through orgasm, and prep for your birthday month. Nobody treats you like you do, and this goes outside of the bedroom/shower too. Mid-month, your focus and motivation shifts to work and putting your foot down. Someone, or something, has been really pushing your buttons and now that you are feeling less on edge communication can be done properly. Address all the bull crap lingering super politely. Be prepared for no rest, and sudden, almost uncontrollable, desire to strike come the Aries full moon. All these Mars vibes have you melting…sounds fun right? 


Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

Everyone is so calm and cheery this month, why? You are going to be bored this month, feisty Sag, as Virgo season bores you and the post eclipse vibe is just so blah. Where the glitz? Wheres the excitement? Make some. Plan a party for mid-month to create some fun for yourself. This goes for you sex life, too. Old toys feeling old? Old moves feeling old? Jazz it all up, surprise your partner and surprise yourself. Trying new ways to climax is possibly the only hope for September, as anything already done is going to turn you off. Drop the whining if you find yourself letting it get the best of you, and get to creating that pizazz you need. What new element can you invite into pleasure to take it up a notch? What can you wear to take it up a notch? So many questions, and so many ways to get through this vanilla month. You got this, but I also know a boring month for a Sagittarius feels like 3 years. Bless you. 


Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Money money money, like the Abba song, all month for you, Cappy. You have finances on your mind — budgeting for winter, paying off debts, planning luxuries, and plotting asking for that raise. With lots of hope and possibilities bubbling in regards to your greatest worry, cash, you are energetically feeling lighter this month. Doesn’t happen that way for most signs, and with Saturn finally taking tour in your sign, everything overwhelming about being an adult feels slightly easier for you now. This will continue for most of the coming months, but right now the initial buzz of more peace of mind has your body relaxed enough to want to do it. The month ends with more planets entering Scorpio and Libra, where your engine really starts to purr. You're such an earth sign, only in the mood when all responsibilities are truly being handled. I think this is truly beautiful, and very human. Getting off is hard when junk is on your mind, and finally it won't be. Take ahold of this vibe as long as you can! 


Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

After a slightly stale summer sexually and energetically, you are starting to feel like yourself again mid-month. The new moon marks a final cleansing and letting go period wrapping up the post eclipse shifts of August. This is the weight lifting off, allowing you to physically feel lighter. You'll also feel much much more energized. Ride this hot streak, and watch all sorts of promotions and hot dates strangely come out of it. Your genuineness strikes a chord everyone can relate to. Be genuine to yourself too, and don’t question the times in which you get horny this fall. If you wake up at the witching hour and want to get off, definitely do that. If you want to take your lunch break home and get off, do that. Like I said prior, ride the hot streak. 


Pisces (February 19-March 20)

It is the half way mark from your birthday, little mermaid, as Virgo is your opposing sign. This fruitful and innocent energy might rub you the right way or the wrong way, but no matter what, September is the time to sage yourself. Burn, spray, and bask in whatever cleansing potions/herbs you have and get the bad juju out of your aura. If you sense or start to notice old emotions coming up around the new moon on the 9th, spend some time alone to let it out. The modest and picky energy of the planets right now aren’t exactly your jam, sexually, anyway. Forcing pleasure or doing your partner favors will end up being more of a hassle if it isn’t what you want to do a hundred percent. Cleanse, chill, repeat...and you’ll be feeling sexy by the last weeks of the month. The work you put into your energy and body now will pay off come Scorpio season when you have the passion of a million suns again. 



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