Your December 2018 Sexoscopes

by resident sextrologist Francesca Piazza

Things are slow then really fast this December as Sagittarius energy dominates post-Mercury retrograde. Avoid contracts and double check your communications up until the 10th, just to be sure you dodge the retrograde problems. The new moon hits right around this time too, shifting our attention to bringing more positivity, meaning, and glitz to our lives. Our sex lives especially. Where are things drab? Jazz it up.

We are much more comfortable cheering each other on right now, so be honest with friends and watch them open up in return. Issues in the bedroom aren’t difficult or awkward to discuss, but actually super productive. The full moon right before Xmas has the bulk of us in full holiday panic, but in a fun way. Energy is high but very innocent, not destructive. Get yourself a new toy to put under the tree. Play amongst the chaos.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

With Venus in your 8th house and Mars comfortable in your 12th, this month is going to be weird and sexual. The energy you are likely to experience is a strange combo: dreamy but serious, destructive but creative. Sexually, your mind is concocting all sorts of new fantasies, but your body and mind feel separated. Bring them together with a sexual investment. Get your mind thinking about what your body needs, and what a logic option might be as a consumer. Expensive new vibrator? That crazy sex chair? Splurge, but think it through. Maybe even discuss it with your partner if you’ll be using it together? Just kidding: this month you’re focused on you. Another idea to bring these energies together: writing. Texts, poems, public benches — you choose the platform, and let the words flow. Make it dirty.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Be a rebel, yell for more. Nothing seems to do it this month — or does it? Just because your sexual appetite is big this month, doesn’t mean you can’t be satisfied. Screw what you heard, ditch the guilt, and ride the waves of extreme horniness. Just don’t forget the rest of your to-do list, or procrastinate at work. Time management is key to taking advantage of this kinky energy that doesn’t happen every month. You are also really focused on transforming your relationships and setting new boundaries, which could lead to more free time to get down. Honestly, the energies are so in your favor this month sexually that I’m struggling to write your horoscope. Have fun, cowgirl/cowboy/cowperson (that’s both a sex pun and a Taurus reference).

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Up until the 7th you are still a little uncomfortable with your main planet Mercury being retrograde. Sexually, you should go at it alone at this time — not to say anything bad will happen, but your anxiety could get the best of you. After that, you are unstoppable. The holidays coming up, buzz in the air, and overall high energy level of people around you has you feeling as bubbly as a soda. You want to surprise those in your life, especially your partner, or any prospective partners you meet this month. Your self-awareness of your sexual needs will be a turn on. Stay honest, stay true, stay loud. Cheering everybody on does get tiring though, and you might vocalize your need to receive more than give — this is good. Sexual needs are not permanent, and the end of this month they are going to turn people on like crazy. So if you want to just take off your clothes and lie back, tell em that. They'll like it.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Spirituality and sexuality fuse this month as you crave more meaning, more depth and more… enlightenment. If a partner isn't doing it for you, you certainly won’t have time to teach them. “Thank you, next.” Chase your own sexual goals and write your own philosophy. But this is much easier for those closer to being single than those who are married, or deep in it. So if you aren’t capable of going at it alone, explain and compromise for as much independence as possible. As we approach the full moon in your sign on the 22nd, kick it up a notch and go full blown sacred sex: tantra, kundalini, kama sutra, etc. Research, find a workshop, and go. The results will be a gift to you from you, for years to *come.*

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

The first week of December feels like walking through mud as one small problem after another comes up. Stay soft and don’t let it get the best of you or your sex life. Leave it at the door and have fun at home — things drastically change after this tough week! After this energy you are zooming forward. Work is as harmonious as it can be, the trains are on time, and you’re feeling yourself. This surge of confidence translates well into your sex life, and anybody lucky enough to have you is hooked. Stay humble as the full moon approaches. Full moons are nothing but a spotlight, and if you’re pumping out to much hot air you’ll get caught. Spread the genuine enthusiasm you have, and be dramatic in the bedroom.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You’re frisky this month, and honestly, in all my 8 years of horoscope and astrology writing, I don’t think I’ve ever used that adjective for a Virgo. So like, play it cool, man — don’t mess it up. Let yourself loosen up and have some fun this Xmas. More like XXXmas for you, oh god, what have I become? Anyways, you’re getting kinky anytime you aren’t at work and have little time for friends that don’t come with benefits. You gave them plenty of time in November anyway, despite a crazy schedule, so just make these off-hours in December about you. The full moon on the 22nd has your emotions all over the place. No advice here — just a warning that if you’re feeling off, it ain’t you at all. Have some ice cream and let it pass.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Up until the 7th you are feeling the effects of Mercury retrograde and the new moon, in a good way. You are down to slow down for a moment and watch the drama around you create itself. Keep doing what you are doing this first week — we all need you for inspiration. After that your energy is a bit higher, and you crave more freedom in all areas of your life. What does the craving of freedom mean for your sex life? You want something new, something new that does some turning on for you. I’d say porn. But anything that will allow your mind to relax while also getting turned on will do the trick. There could also be a hidden kink, if you free your mind enough. Have fun, you always do.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

The planets are nudging you in the right direction all month for some big awakenings and pampering! Indulge in as much self-care and treating yourself (two different things) as possible. You’ll feel the effects quickly, along with feeling yourself. As confidence increases, so does your popularity. Filter through the possibilities for sexual opportunities, staying picky as the romance and flirting is high. The full moon the last week of the month acts as a spotlight on the few touches of grey that are up to you to polish away. Why hold onto the drab when you can be even more fab? A poem by your sextrologist. Avoid a dry spell after the holidays & family time by spicing it up. Spicing it up is different for everyone, but it’s always something new.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOT SHOT! You love the amped up vibe of birthday season and the holidays, and this December is like the rest. One thing to be sure of on a not-so-sexy note is to avoid signing contacts, new investments, and spontaneous travel up until the 10th to prevent issues related to Mercury. The rest of the month, you have the physical energy to get busy as much as possible. I feel like I’ve given you this advice before, maybe last winter, but carry a bag. Overnights are going to be unexpected, as they should be right now, so toss some lingerie in your purse at the least. The full moon on the 22nd fills you up with even more energy, making repairs, tying up loose ends, and multiple orgasms easy. Bless up.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Stop working and have more sex, Capricorn! There is a root to some sudden changes in your libido right now, but whether you want to dive into that psychology is up to you. If you don’t have the time, think less and do more. Stir up some passion with old ways, maybe? Porno mags, for instance? After the holidays, you’re feeling much hornier as more planets start to shift towards your season, with your confidence coming back. Talking sexy becomes your main thing the last week as planets go into your 3rd house of technology, communication, and friendship. And friendship can easily become more-than-friendship...

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Mars dances slowly for you this month, and indulging more senses during sex is just the trick all month. Smells, tastes, sounds, vibrations… there’s a whole month to try it all! Smell in particular is a powerful aphrodisiac — explore new oils and incense to expand your variety all winter. Outside of the bedroom, you are just as busy all the way up until the New Year. Work, family, home, and community all need you, and somehow you have the energy for it all. Actually, somehow you always have the energy. A new interest sparks your curiosity and all of your attention on the full moon on the 22nd, giving you a burst of childlike excitement. Chase your joy! But damn, that sex this month...

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Masturbation is the answer this December, little mermaid. Why keep trying to explain when you can just do it yourself? This kind of attitude isn’t good long term, but hey, the retrogrades have been a doozy on you. Take time to stay in bed and come. Then come again. Your body and mind need it! The full moon gets romance stirring again, making a partner sound more appealing. However, anxiety might take over if you forgot all your responsibilities at the beginning of the month while… ya know. So be sure you paid your bills and touched base about holiday plans! Otherwise, it’s smooth sailing, my siren.