by Alex Fine
I have a secret for you, dear reader: the right ways to care for yourself are often the laziest. Having energy, feeling good, and enjoying your life all boil down to doing a few easy, impactful things, and nixing the rest.
Drink an Enormous Amount of Water
We all know this — and yet! We don’t do it. Sharing hydration memes is great, but the water needs to actually enter your mouth.
Get a clear, reusable water bottle so that you can’t fill it and forget it. When you lock eyes with your new, watery deskmate, take a swig. A clear bottle also lets you keep track of how clean it is — water bottles can get groaty! Invest in a cheapo bottle brush and keep it clean.
Avoid Makeup and Sunlight
Vampires look youthful, but immortality is only part of the reason. Chemicals and UV rays are bad for your skin, so fuck ‘em! The ultimate skincare routine is to basically never wear makeup, and to slather on the SPF.
When I do decide to buy into some kind of beauty thing, I always go for something that lasts a long time. Get fake lashes that last for weeks, and trade your razor for a laser.
Masturbate a Ton
It relieves stress, burns calories, helps you get to sleep, and it’s FUN and FREE, and you can do it in bed! What a gift! We at Dame just released Pom, our first true solo toy, and your new essential wellness tool. Vulva-havers of all types helped us develop it, so check it out!
Routines, Routines, Routines
Do the same thing over and over, and I promise you, you won’t get bored. Indecision, waffling, hemming and hawing — that’s boring.
Eat the same exact thing for breakfast every day. At the start of a season, get five outfits together and only choose from those. Trying to exercise more? Just do literally whatever you’re willing and able to do over and over. Walking 1 mile three times a week is better than a full run once a month… or zero times a month, if you’re like me. If it works and it’s easy, then stick to it!
You’re always doing stuff, and it’s probably why you’re so stressed. So do the opposite! Duh.
Meditation apps are taking off right now, and for a great reason. I think they’re worth the hype. Cultivating mindfulness, or even just pumping the brakes on your inner monologue, can make the rest of your day so, so much better.
If you feel “umm” about “Ohms” then take a long, slow walk, preferably without any music or other distractions. The whole point is to unplug and give your mind some unstructured time to unclench. Whew!
Take Care of Yourself FIRST
You know how you’re supposed to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others in the event of an airline emergency? Self-care is the same, my friend. You can’t support your pals if you’re struggling to stand up yourself. You should never use self-care as an excuse to check-out completely or ask too much from people, but you also shouldn’t shy away from taking the time to get what you need. Hopefully these lazy tips will make that even easier!